Chronicles

OK, scribe, little buddy, start writing. Good day. I’m BAAAAAACK! Yeah, Orcling, yeah! I got some rest after the frickin’ disaster that was last season. I did some big game hunting and deep sea fishing. I bagged myself a pair of unicorns on land and a school of mermaids at sea. I can tell you I ate…

Now that all of our theory and thoughts have been laid down, it’s time to see how they are measured in practice. As Djimm Thorp once said, “Everyone has a plan until they get tackled.” 

OK, you ready, scribe? Good. Start writing. Good day. So ... Yeah ... My Accounts Goblin tells me that the contract I signed with Taureau Amiral stipulates I actually have to see this chronicle thing through ’til the end. Right.

Being a Noble is not simply making important decisions and being adored by those you walk by all the time. There are moments that can be very taxing. Today, I was relaxing in a personal bath heated by lava stones imported from the World’s Edge Mountains, enjoying my Bordeleaux, and enjoying a slow…

How dare you call me a liar!?! You little maggot! I should pull out my codpiece and slap you stupid with it! What? It’s not you but the Minotaur what’s callin’ me a liar? Well … I suppose he is paying me a fair bit’o’swag for you idiot scribes to scratch that there parchment with a cockatrice…

WHADDYA MEAN, “NO PRE-SEASON”? No! Go away! I meant it you little maggot! Not now! Bugger off! I don’t care if I’ve gotta contract! Woe betide he who in his pride and arrogance angers the little Goblin scribe. For this latter shall write what he seeth fit into the most valuable chronicle of the…

Let’s begin with stating the obvious. Imperial Nobility teams are head and shoulders above many other teams thanks to one thing: versatility. To properly wield the weapons available to these teams, a brilliant coach, such as myself, is needed. Some teams use only dumb, brute strength to obtain…

Right, so you’ve got a team, you’ve got a game plan for when you’re team’s on offence, now you need one for when your team’s on defence. So, last time out I talked about how your Boyz’ll need to have your way of playing beaten into their thick noggins and how the challenge will be getting a pack of…

OK, once you’ve built your team of Black Orcs, you’re gonna have to beat your way of playing want into their thick noggins. This means you’ve gotta do the hard work on the training pitch. Yeah, I know, the Boyz is lazy and the Gobbos even worse.

Having been presented with the title of Head Coach for the River City Gunners, it has been requested of me to record the insights into my purchasing decisions. I will try to keep it simple for those who may not have the intelligence or business acumen that is most needed for this process. And what…